


Stubborn

by ThisKwamiNeeds_aNap



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Anxiety, Blind Character, But Sometimes Its Hard to Accept Help, Canon Disabled Character, Disability Accomodations are Good Actually, Episode: s03e14-15 The Boiling Rock, Friendship, Gen, Stress, Western Air Temple, internalized ableism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:15:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26434777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisKwamiNeeds_aNap/pseuds/ThisKwamiNeeds_aNap
Summary: Toph is strong, and stubborn, and powerful, and amazing. She knows that nothing will change that.She also knows that Katara is an amazing friend, who's always ready to listen.So why is it still so hard to accept help?
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Sokka/Suki (Avatar), Toph Beifong & Katara, Toph Beifong & Suki
Comments: 26
Kudos: 100





	Stubborn

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I'm visually impaired, and everything in this fic is based on my own life experience, and me projecting.  
> However, I'm not 100% blind, so there may be some inaccuracies in how I portrayed Toph's blindness. 
> 
> Also, I am starved for content of Toph and Katara's friendship, so I wrote my own fic about them

It was always more comfortable to complain. Still, if she tried, Toph could be optimistic. The temple was solid rock, which was nice. Toph could feel Suki’s footsteps approaching from way out of earshot. She’d only met Suki twice — once on the way to Ba Sing Se, and again a few hours ago — but the warrior stepped a lot more purposefully than the rest of the group. Although Suki couldn’t bend, she stood with the steadiness of an earthbender. It was weirdly comforting, and it made it easy to identify her.

“Hey,” Suki said gently. Her voice was naturally so much softer than any of Toph's other companions, which was also comforting. She stood out, which meant Toph could be much more confident in her guesses. She could almost forget that she was guessing at all.

"Are you okay?" Suki asked. 

Toph assumed that Suki was talking to her, though an annoying voice reminded her that she couldn’t be sure. This hadn't even bothered her a few days ago, but then she made a stupid joke about conceited rich people, and Katara didn't laugh, and Toph had felt that familiar sinking in her stomach, and then Katara had said "Oh, sorry, you wouldn’t know…" with so much stupid kindness in her voice.

Obviously, Toph knew that eye contact was a thing. She’d learned the rules of high society, for crying out loud. She knew that it was polite to aim her face in the direction that voices were coming from, for whatever dumb reason. The same way it was polite to pretend she couldn’t hear people insult her. The same way it was polite to act weak so that her parents could feel good about themselves. 

She’d thrown out all of those pointless rules the second that she’d escaped.

She’d gotten used to hearing: “Look at people when you’re talking to them!” followed by an awkward pause, and then apologetic stuttering. The “I’m so sorry”s and the “I forgot.... you know...” The utter refusal to mention her blindness by name, though they were fine with telling others about how blind and frail she was. Spirits knew she didn’t miss *that* part of home.

She was annoyed with it enough to purposely aim her face away from her friends after she’d left home. It was just another way of her throwing away snooty customs. Sokka and Aang, and even Katara were too practical to care about such a stupid and useless rule. They didn't worry about posture or makeup or pointless smalltalk or staying away from dirt. Why would this be any different?

It hadn’t occurred that “eye contact” actually served a purpose until Katara (it was always Katara, with these things) had told her. She still couldn't quite wrap her head around it.

It… let people know that they were being talked to? So they could just… tell… whether someone was talking to themselves... or someone else… and know whether or not they should respond?

Toph had forgotten that other people could see. Again. They’d all been making eye contact the entire time, and she must’ve looked so dumb. Yet another reason for Katara to realize that she was helpless. 

Well, it wasn’t like she could start asking for people to constantly clarify who they were talking to, now. That would make her look even stupider. Even if Katara had already offered to do just that.

Still, she could manage. There was no one else around that Suki could be talking to. Toph had wandered ridiculously far from camp to sulk. 

Obviously Suki was talking to her! Why was she questioning herself all of a sudden?

She’d never had trouble knowing whether or not someone was talking to her before. 

Well, yes, she had. A lot. But she’d never been this anxious about it. She’d thought it was just a regular problem that everyone faced. Not a weakness specific to her. Not something that had an easy solution, if she could just admit she was struggling, and accept her friends' help. So actually, not easy at all.

“Hey, Toph?” 

Was that even Suki? She mixed up people’s voices a lot, too. Nicknames helped with that. If she ever guessed wrong, she had plausible deniability.

She'd been told (by Katara. Again.) that it was a lot easier to recognize someone by sight than by sound. It didn’t matter before, when her parents, servants, and even the wrestlers she fought with, always announced themselves. But then she’d left, and refused to be coddled. She didn't need to be coddled. It was easy to tell Aang and Sokka and Katara apart by their footsteps and voices. 

Except when Sokka was just a little more confident or when Katara was just a little more tentative, and their footsteps weren't so easy to distinguish. 

Except when Aang was tired and his footsteps were unrecognizable.

Except when they rode Appa, and the wind was loud, though the others didn’t ever seem to notice, and there were no footsteps to help her place them, and she had to fight not to jump when one of them touched her, and remind herself that they were trying to keep her from falling. That she would fall, if not for them. That, in the sky, she was just as helpless as they claimed.

Except now, at this stupid temple with a million people who she couldn’t memorize fast enough, who kept gathering way too close at campfires, so her earthbending didn’t even help, because their voices were all coming from the same direction. And they sounded completely different with different emotions, so she could never recognize half of them anyway.

“Toph, it’s me, Suki.”

Why did that make her feel even worse? The answer should’ve lessened the anxiety, but instead she felt like she’d officially failed, though she’d guessed correctly. What was wrong with her today? Why couldn't she just push aside how difficult it was to keep track of even more people, and be happy for her friends? Why couldn't she accept that she was enough?

“Toph, I know you can hear me.”

Toph grunted.

“Katara wants to know why you’re mad at her.”

Toph tensed up. Had Katara sent Suki to come look for her? Had she still ruined Katara's mood, even when she wasn't there, even when she was sitting alone in the rocks, trying desperately to be positive and calm?

“I’m not mad at her!” Toph shouted. Whoops. Maybe she couldn't be calm, after all. At least not right now.

There was a moment of silence. If Toph could see, she’d be able to know more about what Suki was thinking. She longed for Katara’s way of filling in the silences for her, bridging some of the gaps. 

\----------

_“Sokka’s rolling his eyes”_

_“Aang’s trying not to laugh”_

_“Don’t worry, he’s just yawning, he’s not annoyed”_

_“Shh, I saw something in the distance and I’m trying to figure out what it is.”_

_“Aang’s eyes look really glazed, maybe we should take a break”_

_“You should know that Sokka hasn’t stopped smiling at his new space sword for the past hour.”_

_“I can see you smirking, I know you’re planning something”_

  
  


\----------

Katara claimed that she could even see tears? With her eyes?

Toph was half-convinced that Katara was sensing things with waterbending and messing with her, but Katara insisted that everyone could see them. At least, everyone who could see.

Why did she miss it? She usually felt so bad when Katara said those things, just flaunting how much Toph relied on her. It had never been an issue, back when she was sheltered from the entire world, and had to figure everything out for herself. Now, she felt empty without Katara's commentary.

“I promise I won’t tell Katara anything you don’t want me to." Suki said. Toph could tell she wasn't lying, at least. "But can you please tell me what happened?”

“Nothing happened, princess." 

Yeah, that was a generic enough nickname. If (when) she guessed wrong and called Katara or Aang "princess," it wouldn't seem out of place. 

"I’m fine, we’re fine, it’s all fine.”

“You threw some giant rocks at her and stormed off, so something happened.”

Toph grunted again.

\----------

_“Okay, so...” Katara had needed to start over several times, interrupted by her own laughter. “You remember my dad from the invasion, right? So, he’s here. Um, he still has his beads in his hair, but he’s in a red prison outfit. He’s talking to Sokka by the campfire right now. They’re both smiling and gesturing with their hands a lot. I think Sokka’s crying? But, like, happy crying.” Katara broke off into ecstatic laughter again. “And then, um, who else is here... Oh! There’s Suki. You remember Suki, right? Yeah, she has her hair down, she’s sitting by Sokka, but it looks like she’s talking to Haru right now. Oh! Also, you should know that Zuko and Sokka are both wearing fire nation prison guard uniforms, I have literally no idea why...”_

_“Why are you telling me this?” Toph had asked, maybe just a smidge too harshly. In her defense, she couldn't even tell that she'd upset Katara until a few moments later, when Katara spoke again._

_“I don’t know, I just… You looked a little lost, just standing there, and I figured I should explain what's going on.”_

_“You think I don’t already know?”_

_“Well, I mean, you are blind, so-”_

_It shouldn't have hurt._

_Duh, Toph was blind. She mentioned it all the time. She hated when people acted like it was offensive to say it. She hated when people acted like it was shameful. Katara nonchalantly mentioning it was a good thing. It was what Toph wanted. It was what Toph had specifically asked her to do._

_There was no reason to get defensive. Katara wasn't accusing her of anything._

_There was no reason to yell-_

_“I’m the greatest Earthbender in the entire world. I see with my earthbending. I can tell what’s happening on my own. I don't need your help.”_

_“I know that, but I just thought…”_

_"You thought wrong!"_

\----------

Toph hadn't said anything out loud, and Suki was still waiting for an explanation. Stupid earth nation patience and stubborness. 

"I might have overreacted slightly." Toph admitted, finally speaking out loud. Her voice startled her. It was much softer than the screaming in her head. "I just need some alone time right now, okay? I promise I’m not mad at Katara. I’ll apologize later, but I don’t want to talk right now.”

“Okay.” Suki said. She sounded like she actually believed Toph, which felt good. Slowly, Suki started to walk away.

“Wait!” Toph called, unable to stop herself. She felt Suki pause. “Do you ever…” Toph trailed off, struggling to say something she’d never put into words before. It was difficult to explain, but it was worth it, for Katara. “Have you ever felt like, maybe it’s okay if strangers think you’re weak, because they’re stupid anyway, and who cares what they think, but then, one of your friends is just trying to be nice to you, and you know that, but you’re just, overwhelmed by rage anyway? Like, you can handle people who hate you, you know what to do with that, but actual friendship is just, really scary?” 

It sounded so stupid when she said it out loud. Of course Suki wouldn’t-

“Yeah, I know what you mean.” Suki said. There was no pity in her voice, just sincerity.

All of Toph’s muscles relaxed, like she’d finally set down several tons of stone.

"It gets better," she added. Toph could feel how steady Suki’s heartbeat was. She was telling the truth.

“Cool.” Toph said, because she was eloquent like that. “Okay, you can go now. I still want to be alone.” Suki didn’t move, and Toph realized she was waiting for more closure. “You can tell Katara I’m not mad at her, and I’ll talk to her in the morning.” That would give Toph all evening and all night to calm down and convince herself that she was enough, so she wouldn't explode again. She owed that to Katara. 

“I'll tell her.” Suki said. 

That turned out to be a lie. Suki only made it halfway back to the main camp before Toph caught up with her, and they arrived hand-in-hand. And when Suki whispered “Katara’s staring at you, and she looks worried,” Toph told her inner voice to shut up before it could complain that Suki was insulting her. 

She was strong. She was stubborn. And she was _going_ to learn to trust her friends, no matter how much stubbornness and strength it took.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!  
> Leave a comment and a kudos to give me validation and strength!


End file.
